Dream the big Dream

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There are days when I 
sit in fear and emotions take over.

I can break down into those sobs that come from your soul.
Sobs that leave you wretched and your face covered in snot.

There is nothing glamorous about breaking down this way. I
have yet to look like Demi Moore in ‘Ghosts’!

Always on my own and only when the task I have set myself
feels too hard.

Not the task of the time, but the big overarching dream that
holds everything together.

Walking for joy

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I love walking.

It is my choice of fitness. (along with some pretty hard hours at the gym.)

What I feel when I walk is missed from the window of a car, bus or train.
The breathing heart of a place, the angry streets, the bland backwashes and personality of the city.

Feeding your starving soul

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What do you long for?

What does your soul yearn to have by its side?

You need to bow down to the yearnings you have carried
ignoring them as you put your needs aside to feed the needs of those around us.

Tell me like it is

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the ‘truth’ was withheld from you, removing your opportunity to make decisions, based on the facts? Once you discover the truth the sense of betrayal can be strong and work on … Read More

The pain and joy that are birthdays.

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Birthdays.
Technically, it’s just another day – yesterdays tomorrow, and tomorrows yesterday.
Just another day.
On your birthday you are still only 1 day older than you were the day before.

The year we venture into another decade is always treated as significant.
As a celebration that we have made it this far and are still happy and healthy.
Or a warning of ticking time, unfulfilled dreams and an impending sense of becoming superfluous.

The betrayal of self doubt

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I truly believed, somewhat naively, that when I hit mid-life, I would always back myself.
Self-doubt would be a stranger to me and well planted in my past.
That the tortuous and constant berating of oneself because of not being enough, would have taken a permanent vacation leaving me to thrive on my own.
I would step confidently into the world with nothing but words of self-love circling my now unoccupied head.

Living the right life.

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There is a line in a Leo Tolstoy story that sends chills down my spine.
In the finale of the story the main character on his death bed, utters the question:
‘What if I have lived the wrong life?’
The horror of sensing that as one dies is, to me, too great to bare.

Embracing joy

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I am sitting in my office with the window open.
I can hear the birdsong outside as well as the joyful sounds of children playing. (My office looks out onto a school playground)

Both, in some way, bring me joy.

Joy.

A big word that has so much packed around it.

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