Acting from our brokenness

By midlife we come to you broken.

We surface above the layers of guilt, shame, heartache, disappointment and loss, deeply flawed and damaged.
And well and truly entrenched in the act that has become us.

And by midlife we have created some pretty ‘interesting;’ behaviours to manage/hide/deny our flawed souls and our desolate hearts.

Only stopping to examine who we have become when faced with enough evidence that we can no longer continue the way we are and often, the way we have been for extended periods of time.

Only when it becomes undeniably clear that something needs to change and that change lands well and truly at our feet.

Brene Brown, whose work clearly I love as I have referred to it many times, talks about ‘whole hearted’ people.

Those rare people that have dealt with their brokenness and become whole, giving themselves permission to create and lead colourful lives.

Colourful lives that are filled with love, with abundance and without judgement of themselves or those around them.

And those rare beings are the truly free. They have gifted themselves not only freedom, but peace as well.

For the rest of us walk around imprisoned by the stories that no longer serve and have been embellished over time to fit into what we believe to be true and what we believe about ourselves.

And it isn’t working.

I have witnessed several incidences of ‘poor’ behaviour and have certainly engaged in it in the past however I am no longer willing to bear witness, to enable or to engage.

And I have to say it is a difficult stance to take.

Because people continue to behave poorly neither checking in on how they are in the world or taking responsibility for the impact they have.

Because we are broken.

And to withhold reaction by coming from a place of understanding is not the easy option.

So, we hide our brokenness using behaviours that only do harm in an attempt to disguise our defeated spirit.

We act from guilt. We carry guilt around how we parented, for leaving our spouse, for failing the business, for not being brave, for not living with courage, for allowing the bullies to do just that. And the list goes on. When we operate from guilt, we don’t allow the people we feel guilty about, to move forward and deal with their own stories.

We become threatened by anyone who seems to have created the things that we so wish to create. So, we dislike those who are thinner, richer, more loved, sexier, more successful and, yes you guessed it, the list goes on. When we are threatened by people, we never act kindly towards them nor celebrate that what we want is actually possible

We backstab and use passive-aggression to alienate those we are challenged by. Which means our pain leaches out of our very soul and the sadness we carry only deepens as we consciously choose to do harm.

And we fell deep into our despair. Losing precious days focusing on things we cannot change and losing the opportunities that sit in the light.

Midlife is called the freedom years and I do believe it is a time we can be free.

Free from the commitments of children, free from the angst of being young and free from the chains that keep us bound in lives we no longer wish to live.

Yes, we come to you broken.

However, from brokenness comes opportunity, from opportunity comes discovery and from discovery comes light.

Only if we choose to step out of the darkness that is our brokenness.