The betrayal of self doubt

I truly believed, somewhat naively, that when I hit mid-life, I would always back myself.
Self-doubt would be a stranger to me and well planted in my past.
That the tortuous and constant berating of oneself because of not being enough, would have taken a permanent vacation leaving me to thrive on my own.
I would step confidently into the world with nothing but words of self-love circling my now unoccupied head.

Living the right life.

There is a line in a Leo Tolstoy story that sends chills down my spine.
In the finale of the story the main character on his death bed, utters the question:
‘What if I have lived the wrong life?’
The horror of sensing that as one dies is, to me, too great to bare.

Embracing joy

I am sitting in my office with the window open.
I can hear the birdsong outside as well as the joyful sounds of children playing. (My office looks out onto a school playground)

Both, in some way, bring me joy.

Joy.

A big word that has so much packed around it.

Wear the clothes

I have clothes in my wardrobe that I don’t wear, so they don’t get damaged.

True

I am actually embarrassed to admit it, however, doing so gives me permission to wear them. I came to that realisation this morning.
One of the books I am reading is about being a goddess and goddesses wear beautiful clothes. I am sure of that.
Middlicious women certainly do.

Being Relevant

As I move further away from my younger years and deeper into mid-life, I am increasingly aware of something that is as important as being visible.
Being relevant.
In a world that celebrates the enthusiasm and energy of youth, remaining on top of what is trendy, what is out and what is in, can be a challenge.
Nothing can age someone more than being out of date and stuck there.

I’ve Got Wrinkles

I’ve got wrinkles.
No matter what angle I look in the mirror, I have wrinkles.
My neck has definitely seen some years, and my hands look older than my mother’s (and she is 84).
Yep -I look my age.
OMG, I can hear the cries from the wilderness of the masses who want to defy ageing.
I cannot believe you would say that about yourself.
Well, I did.
And you know what.
I don’t feel any less powerful or gorgeous having done so.

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