The perils of honesty

‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.’
It is a saying I love. Its beauty moves me every time I read it.
Because it speaks of a safe place where great conversations occur.

Space where opinions are shared and debated, bruised hearts are healed, and honesty flows in all directions.
Where not one person is right or wrong – they view the world differently.

Space where the need to protect one’s corner does not exist, where adult conversation takes place and where all involved grow.
It is the space so desperately needed in this age of faceless insults, outrage and room for only one opinion ones own opinion.
In the age of the ‘Cult of Self.’

Choosing to live with honesty, without game playing, without fake, has its perils.
And the costs can be high.

It is something I grapple with as I get older in a world that seems to deny people the opportunity to have opposing opinions. To express themselves, even when what they express makes us a little uncomfortable.
Leaving opinions to fester in the darkness and danger lurks in the dark.

Where do we ever learn that we all view the world differently, and that is ok. That we neither need to hide our view from you or judge you for yours.

We can start be being honest softly.
Landing words gently at people’s feet rather than bash them over the head with tone and anger.

To decide what needs to be shared and what doesn’t. That has been the biggest lesson for me.
A deep understanding of things that I need to say and things that will soil the space between us.

There are people that even the gentlest of words will rip through their heart, leaving them defensive and deeply offended. When their perception of the world feels challenged, they must fight the good fight. Or at least what they believe to be the good fight.

Is one to join the millions that choose being liked over being true to themselves?

To line up with the words that people want to hear rather than words that speak what has been asked and is sometimes needed?

How do we be honest without bruising those that, while believing honesty is what they require, once placed in their hands find it burns?

Learning to accept honesty ourselves is another crucial step. If we are going to dish out what we believe to be true, then we need to take the same coming towards us.
I am always somewhat bemused at people who are happy to speak of their ‘brutal honesty’ yet not so happy to hear it.

Which brings me to another point – honesty need never be brutal.
I do not feel they are two words that should be put together – being honest does not equate with deliberately harming.
It is positioning truth in a way that it can be heard in the context it is required and once understood, can be played with by the receiver to fit into what they need.
And sometimes they need to reject the words that have been presented.

And that is another aspect of telling the truth – understanding it is our truth we are sharing. Our perception, our opinion, our view of what is going on and ours alone.
And our reality is neither ‘the truth’ or the truth for the other party involved.

Remember, words have power which can be long reaching and ever lasting.
It is the words that people will quote back to you and hold in their hearts more than anything else.

I dream of a society where uncensored truth exists. Where debate is common, and outrage is minimal and left for when it is required.

I dream of a time where you will meet me out there in the field between wrongdoing and rightdoing.

Because that is where love resides.

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