In this episode Niki talks to Coach and Author Jess Stuart.
1:52 – Jess talks about her childhood in England and how she was raised in a conservative rural town. Then the decision to come across to the other side of the world to settle. Jess now lives in Wellington where she is currently working on her third book
4:14 – Niki invites Jess to talk about Impostor Syndrome – what it is and why is it trending at the moment. Jess says it has been around for years – it came to be known as Impostor Syndrome when a book was written about it. It is that sense many of us carry around that compared to other people we will always feel short. Jess goes on to say it is about internalizing our accomplishments. we wave away praise or acknowledgements of the things we have done. We tend to explain success away.
6:08 – Is the tall poppy syndrome the same? Jess says that in New Zealand it is the perfect storm of moving away from what we achieved because we fear the consequences of what sharing may bring. It is a balance of understanding our strengths and experiences without boasting.
8:45 – Niki asks Jess about her books and a discussion evolves around their creative process. Niki talks about how her writing process is active. She has tried to sit in front of a computer and force herself to write however it doesn’t work. They both agree that you need to find what works for you -not what other people tell you is the best way.
10:22 – Jess talks about why and how she wrote her first book -A rough guide to a smooth life’. It was orignially a blog and someone suggested it could be a great book. The theme is how to create Plan B when Plan A is clearly not working. A lot about resilience and mindfulness. Jess went on to write her second book ‘Like a girl.’ 2 years later
12:36 – A discussion starts about needing more feminine power in the world. Women owing their femininity and bringing that to the world. Jess makes the statement that it is about honoring all the sides of who we are. How we are not seeing a place for the feminine traits of kindness, caring and emotional intelligence in the world of leadership currently.
15:02 – Jess discusses focusing on what we can control. We can control ourselves and that is all. We need to trust that all is cyclic
16:53 – Niki invites Jess to consider the impact of Impostor Syndrome at mid-life. Particularly her own generation of women who were the last generation of women to collectively make motherhood a career choice. How does one feel capable in a world that favours youth and relevance.
18:10 – ‘Having experience that demonstrates your competence helps with your confidence.’ Drawing on adversaries that we have overcome and successes we have achieved no matter how irrelevant they may seem.
19:42 – Looking at transferable skills. A discussions starts on the terrible mental health statistics that surrounds mid-lifers.
22:47 – What advice would Jess give her 20 year old self? Jess talks about how she spent a lot of her your adulthood and her life, being what she thought others needed her to be and trying to fit in. She would tell her 20 year old self to stop doing that because it really doesn’t matter.
25:53 – Has worrying about what other people think increased because of the presence of Social Media. All the images we are bombarded with to compare ourselves with. People seeking validation through likes and follows on Social Media platforms.
27:53 – Has the success culture got out of control.